Tag: Personal

Painting a Self-Portrait

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It has been a while since I last painted.

A couple of days ago, I was struck by the sudden desire to paint something. I was probably inspired by the paintings I saw the previous weekend in Penn State’s Museum of Art, or maybe it was from reading Rookie Yearbook 1, which was filled with loads of wonderful essays and pictures about teenagers, pop culture, feminism, fashion, etc… I highly recommend the book and the site. The person behind all that is Tavi Gevinson–a 16 year old girl in high school who started blogging about fashion ever since she was 11. From its colorful pages and brilliant artistic pursuits, I had this crazy creative desire to make, draw, color, or paint something… so I did.

This book is great! A must-have for young adults.

I chose to make a self-portrait because it has been ages ago when I attempted to draw my face. I think I was in grade 5 at that time and we all had to do it for Art Class. We had to make boxed grids and copy our pictures of ourselves box per box. This time, I didn’t use any sort of grid, I just drew.

Here are pictures of my work in progress.

I don’t know why, but I like experimenting with colors. The blue hair reminded me of Katy Perry a bit too.

After tweaking it here and there… I now present to you the final painting!

I hope you liked it (me and my big forehead)! Hopefully I’ll find more time in the future to explore the realms of paint.

– P

Things To Look Forward To

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I cannot contain my excitement. Next year is going to be fantastic; I could feel it in my veins. Here is a list of things I’m looking forward to for the remaining days of the year and year 2013.

  1. Going back to the Philippines to spend Christmas with my family and friends
  2. Having my braces removed
  3. Going to Bali, Indonesia to spend the New Year
  4. Watching the free concert of Imagine Dragons in Penn State
  5. Going to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter during the Spring Break
  6. Watching The Host movie
  7. Going to the Spring Retreat with Alliance Christian Fellowship
  8. Going back to the Philippines to spend my summer vacation
  9. Going to my old High School to make a Lion Scout High School Visit
  10. Going back to Penn State as a Sophomore
  11. Reading the fourth installment to Rick Riordan’s Heroes of Olympus series

Somewhere in between all that, I will be turning 19 years old. It’s going to be a good year. I find it so hard to believe that I just graduated from high school earlier this year. I can’t be more grateful to be where I am today. Looking back, I realize how silly it was of me to be scared to go to college in the US, when in fact, there is nothing to fear at all. I’m glad I didn’t give in to my fears because, now, I feel stronger.

~~~

Last week, I spent my friday night with Alliance Christian Fellowship’s semi-formal dessert banquet. Let me share some pictures with you!

Carly, Me, Luba, Joshua, Ashley, Chris, and Jake
Bible Study Group

The desserts were just heavenly. The theme of the banquet was Disney, and we had games like family feud and finish the song lyrics game. Everybody in ACF was great and welcoming even though Carly and I rarely went to their previous events. They all introduced themselves and made conversations, which made me want to introduce myself and talk to other people. I think it’s absolutely great that their awesomeness is rubbing off on me. I can’t wait to attend their other socials. ACF is a family I really want to be a part of.

– P

Why Going To Church Is Not Equal To Heaven

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I know that it’s almost Christmas, and it’s all very exciting. What do you think of when someone says Christmas? My Psychology teacher asked a class of 300 students this question and they answered: Santa Claus, presents, cookies, tree, lights, milk, music, and etc., and it made me wonder why we all loved Santa Claus.

Santa gives us presents when we are good; however, he gives us nothing or a pack of coals when we’re bad. Now my other question is, why do we love Santa so much when someone gave us a better gift even though we didn’t deserve it? That’s right. I’m talking about Jesus (No one called out His name at the mention of Christmas, which I thought was very sad since He started it). It was only three days ago when I learned the real meaning of grace. Grace has been thrown around in Church a lot, but I never quite understood its meaning. Grace basically means unmerited favor. Jesus gave up His life even when we did not deserve it. A lot of people were on His naughty list, but He decided to give everyone a present anyway. It’s like a good boy giving his present to someone who got the coals, the latter didn’t deserve the present but he was given a kindness anyway. I think we lost the whole point of Christmas by thinking it’s all about Santa, so I think it’s about time that I should share you something about Jesus.

What I’m about to share is something I just learned a week or two ago.

Growing up, I always thought that there was some kind of equation to get to heaven. Something like: Go to Church + Pray the rosary + Be good = Heaven, but after reading books and watching videos, I came to realize that I was so wrong. Thinking you could earn Heaven would be the reason why you won’t reach it. You cannot earn Heaven. None of us deserve Heaven, but then Jesus came and paid for all of our past, present, and future sins 2000 years ago. Let me elaborate.

I used to do good things out of guilt or to just clear my conscience. I sometimes felt forced into doing things that are good so that I may get God’s approval. And so, I was baffled when they first told me that going to Church is not equal to heaven because I thought that’s how Christians did it. They go to Church, pray the rosary, and be good neighbors, but I realized that I missed the entire point. The reason they did all those things was not so they could earn heaven, but because they loved Jesus.

I thought I was a follower of Christ all throughout my life–I know the names of His apostles, I know the parables, I know the prayers, but I came to realize that I was only just a fan. I didn’t know Jesus at all. I was close enough to have the benefits of being a Christian, but I was not close enough to actually have Jesus interfere with my life. I didn’t know Him personally. I have been trying to do so many good things because I thought that’s what Christians had to do to get to heaven, and it has left me throughly exhausted acting this way and that. But Jesus came into the picture and said, “Let go and leave it up to me.”

The bottom line is: The reason why we do good things, go to Church, and read the Bible is because we love Jesus. We do things out of love and out of our own freedom. We express our love by going to Church. We do not have to try to earn Heaven because Jesus already did that for us, so the reason why we pray and read the Bible is because we love what He did. When I realized this, I didn’t feel burdened anymore. I wanted to do good things because I felt so loved by what Jesus did for me, someone who should have received the coals.

Think of it as a bank account. Our accounts are way below negative. We are in billions of debt. We try to earn money so that we can pay the debt. We try to pay and pay and pay, but we can never quite reach it. We become tired of trying to pay. We think we could do it ourselves…but we can’t. How would you react when Jesus suddenly comes in and pays for your whole debt? Just like that. Up until a few days ago, I was trying to pay that debt. I was in charge of my life and thought that I could possibly pay the entire debt by working and working, but as much as I worked I still couldn’t pay the debt, I only grew tired. Jesus came into my life and made my debt go away, and so I found freedom and love. The same thing goes with eternal life. We think we could earn heaven by being good and by going to Church, but Jesus already paid our way in.

Here’s another analogy: Pretend you’re married to Jesus. You clean the dishes, do the laundry, clean the house not so you could earn Jesus, but because you love Him.

People sometimes think, “Okay. So if Jesus paid for my future sins, what’s the point of me not sinning?” The thing is, people who say this don’t exactly know Jesus. They don’t have a personal relationship with him. They think they know everything there is to learn about Him (they know where He lived, who His parents are, who His apostles are, etc.), but they don’t know him. I’m not saying that I do, I have been in a Catholic school all my life, but I admit that I barely know Him as a person (I did ask that same question after all). It all comes down to making a personal relationship with Him. When I understood this, I was like, “WHOA. Epiphany moment. I’ve been doing it all wrong.” Now, I’m trying my best to recommit my life to my Savior, Jesus.

So are you trying to pay your own debt? Or is Jesus paying it for you? Or a better question yet, would you want to make a personal relationship with Him?

If you guys want to check out the book that made me understand this, check out “Not A Fan,” by Kyle Idleman. I also watched this video if you want to check it out. I think it’s about time God found you, too.

23 more days before my Savior’s born.

– P

Happy Thanksgiving!

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I know that this post is a bit late, but I still want to share my thanks to my readers for keeping up with me and my weekly blogs. I hope everybody had a wonderful time last week with the turkey and the sales, it couldn’t have been better.

Last week, I traveled alone (for the very first time) to Virginia so that I could spend my week off with my aunts. I had a great time sleeping, watching, and eating–especially eating as my aunt cooked pan seared scallops on green salad, paella, and sandwiches paired up with pumpkin soup.

I occupied myself with “The Mark of Athena,” which is the 3rd installment to Rick Riordan’s series, The Heroes of Olympus, and I amused myself by playing with my aunts’ pets.

It was a week well spent on the couch, but now I’m back and ready to take on my studies. There are only 3 weeks left before the winter break, and I cannot wait to visit my friends and my family back in the Philippines.

Wish me luck!

– P

College Expectations

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People often say that if you don’t expect anything, you will never be disappointed. I have to agree that in most cases that quote may be right. Expectation is the root of all heartache after all (William Shakespeare). But when I was preparing to leave for college, I was counting on tips from my friends, family, and books on what and what not to expect in college. If you were like me, and decided watching youtube videos would be a great help, you would notice that a lot of them said that the first few weeks of college would be horrible. Days would be depressing and filled with homesickness, but to tell you the truth, those days didn’t come. In fact, I am as happy as I can be, and I believe it is because of my expectations. Whenever they say the quote, “If you don’t expect anything, you will never be disappointed,” they quickly infer that your expectations are positive. Expecting the worst scenarios sometimes make the best ones. Who thought I would have found a friend the moment I stepped into my hall? I was so ready to feel sad, and I can’t be more grateful that I didn’t have to go through tears and nervous breakdowns. Like I said in my previous posts, my first night in Penn State was spent playing badminton with people down my hall. It was sort of like an instant friends kind of thing. Expecting the worst doesn’t mean you have to be pessimistic all the time, it’s about getting real and honest with yourself. You’re in a brand new place where no one knows your name, don’t expect that you’d have friends the moment you get there. It isn’t how it works.

If you’re about to go to college, I understand how horribly scared you might feel. What if I get lost? What if I don’t find any friends? What if I flunk my first semester? What if they don’t like me? I’ve been going through all these ‘what ifs’ ever since I visited Penn State University. I was so nervous my stomach was doing the flips to the point that it hurt. I went to Penn State for the First-Year Testing, Consulting, and Advising Program (FTCAP) and it was the first time I felt overwhelmed. The campus is HUGE. I was a jitterbug all day. I didn’t want to be separated from my family, but I had to. That’s the first thing you have to learn in college, you have to LET GO and ACCEPT that you are alone and independent. No one is going to do the laundry for you, no one is going to clean up after you, no one is going to tell you to wake up. You are on your own, and your family is a thousand miles away (in my case at least). It was for this reason that I wanted to study abroad–I want to learn how to become independent and confident.

I parted from my family and spent the next few hours with other students listening to the orientation. In that orientation the professor made a few exercises that revealed that most of us, incoming freshies, were nervous. You are not alone, and that’s another thing you have to know. You are on your own, but you are not alone. Huge difference. There are so many clubs out there (more than 900 clubs in my school) that are there to make you feel at home. I would be surprised if you can’t find what you’re looking for, and if ever that is the case, you could always start your own. I was able to find friends almost immediately. When your RA tries to arrange hall dinners, do yourself a favor and go. Try learning the names of the people down your hall. Sit down in class and strike up a conversation. I was scared to do all of these of course, it isn’t as easy as it sounds, but there are just times when you have to suck it up and get out of your comfort zone because you’ll never accomplish anything if you chicken out. And when you get enough practice, you’ll find that starting a conversation isn’t as bad and as scary as you first thought it would be. There will be A LOT of opportunities to get to know more people or to get involved in activities, all you have to do is take them. College is about trying new things, it’s about exploring and learning more about yourself, so make the most out of it.

In the orientation, the student leader shouted, “WE ARE!” Everyone shouted back, “PENN STATE!” Nothing feels better than being a part of a community. Everything is a lot more fun when you are with a group of people (The more the merrier). Imagine 100,000 Penn State fans in the Beaver Stadium cheering their butts off for the school they love. It is breathtaking and absolutely thrilling. It is one of these times when I really felt united and somehow connected to my school. Learn the cheers of your alma mater, unite with your fellow students and share school pride. Short story: The cheer WE ARE started way back when color segregation was being demanded by Penn State’s opponent. SMU coach wanted to meet with Penn State to discuss not to bring their black players, and the coach of Penn State, Triplett, said, “We are Penn State. There will be no meeting.” Penn State has canceled games in the past when their opponents didn’t allow black players, Penn State’s slogan at that time was, “We play all or none.” Be a part of a community that would welcome you with open arms. Be a part of a community where you can learn, develop, and hone your skills to be the best person you can be. Surround yourself with wonderful people and good influences.

After the orientation I almost whooped when I realized I knew where I was. I’m not fond of getting lost and the only way to fix that problem is to get yourself a map. If you don’t want to be caught holding a map everywhere, use your phone (that’s what I use). You can seriously go anywhere if you have a phone that has GPS. You can shop for clothes, groceries, furniture, anything. Having a GPS with you everywhere is golden. It makes life easier when you know where to go. Just be sure to have the phone charged and ready at all times. Once I got around with the phone, I slowly detached myself from it and started knowing where everything was. The school was getting smaller and smaller, and in fact it’s still getting smaller everyday. Ride on the bus, get its schedule, and enjoy the ride.

Remember when I said that you’ll have a lot of opportunities? Yeah well, do not end up joining everything. You did go to college to learn. Don’t forget that studying is your first priority. There are wonderful libraries you can study in and study lounges that could be open for 24 hours. There will be times when you wouldn’t even have enough time, so carefully balance out your schedule, and do your best to stick with it. There is a time and place for everything.

I am still the same shy Patsy, I still get nervous, but at least I’m doing something about it. If you’re a teenager, may I suggest reading the “Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens.” My roommate is currently reading it, and so far she and I are hooked. So yeah. Immerse yourself. College is the time of your life. Be the ultimate best you can be. My sister once told me that life will always be filled with awkward moments, we all just have to live with it.

– P

Three Weeks

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Three weeks have passed, and I feel like I’ve been here forever.

There are so many activities, and it’s so hard to decide which one I should go to or which one I should ignore. Two weeks ago, Carly and I went to the Eisenhower Auditorium where we were able to score discounted tickets to four shows–Pilobolus Dance Theatre, The Great Mountain, Tap Dogs, and The Addams Family. I am really looking forward to it!

In the auditorium, they gave away free food, drinks, bags, frisbees, and caricatures. Carly and I decided to get a caricature, and this is what we got.

Here’s a picture of the gathering in the auditorium (we’re on the stage by the way).

Then last last friday, Carly and I went to see the movie, Snow White and the Huntsmen, and on our way there, we passed a small concert and decided to take a picture.

The day after that, we volunteered for FreshSTART where we were placed in different groups. I went to St. Andrew’s pre-school where I worked mostly outdoors. I raked leaves, took out the weeds, and carried stuff to the dumpster. It was tiring, but very rewarding. I was able to meet a few people, and was able to go out with them later that evening for some thai food.

The following day, I went to church then met up with my friend Elizabeth (partner in crime in gardening) and went to the Nittany Mall with her other friend Megan who needed to buy a business attire for last week’s Career Fair. The mall was pretty small, but I was able to score some black combat boots from Pacsun.

Last wednesday, Carly and I went to Alliance Christian Fellowship’s Freshmen Dinner, and just recently, to ACF’s Sunday worship. Here’s a picture of the dinner.

And last friday, Carly and I went to the HUB for the weekly arts and crafts and made fleece tie pillows.

Carly and I spent our saturday in the mall, and our sunday swimming in the white building. I can’t wait to find out what’s in store for the next couple of days! There are so many things you could do in college, but don’t worry, I’m still keeping up with my studies.

– P

Surprise Party

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I have the BEST friends ever, and I will seriously miss them when I leave.

My friends surprised me with a ‘despedida’ (going away) party yesterday. Jared and I went to the mall around 2pm to finally have my Holga film developed, we got back to my house around 6pm because my dad still believes in curfews. When I went out to the garden, my friends came out of the bar and shouted SURPRISE! There were streamers, chairs, tables, food, and drinks everywhere. I couldn’t stop smiling! I didn’t have a clue! I thought about throwing a despedida party, but I didn’t know it would come to me.

After they surprised me in the garden, they told me that some of my friends were still hiding in the bathroom, waiting for me. So, I went to the bathroom, opened the door, and shouted SURPRISE. What did I see? Edward Cullen in the shower. I totally freaked out.

We spent the entire evening talking about random shiz, eating the potluck dinner, listening to music, exploring the village, playing taboo, playing Tekken, and watching TV. It was such an amazing night, and I couldn’t be happier. We all started to lose our voices at some point because we couldn’t stop laughing and shouting at Taboo (god, I love that game).

Here are some pictures.

These are some of the things they surprised me with.

The last two pictures right above are the times we explored the village and played Tekken, and the picture below is a group picture of me with my friends (Edward included, of course).

Got this picture from Claudia Tambuatco (she took it).

Thank you to everyone who came and planned for that night! I will never forget you guys! I don’t know how else I could express how grateful I am to all of you. You all have made living life happier and extremely better. I am so lucky to have been blessed with great friends. I really wish I could pack all of you in my bags. I really do.

You guys mean the world to me. I mean it. I love you, guys! :’)

– P

Will You Go To Prom With Me?

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Have you ever felt that you hadn’t done enough justice to a great story? Because I have. And, that’s why I’m rewriting this blog post from scratch. The understatement I wrote a day ago couldn’t express how much excitement and fear I felt during my pre-prom moments. As I was reading the now-deleted-post, I felt as if a robot Patsy wrote it–I relayed the events, I even said I was surprised at the right times, but I didn’t truly capture how I really felt.

So, this is my take two. I hope that by the end of this post, you’ll be able to feel how I felt during those grand and not-so-grand moments.

“Will you go to prom with me?”

That’s how it always starts. You know prom is right around the corner when the first guy asks this question. During my high school years, I have to admit that I was afraid. I was scared that nobody would ask me to be his date, that I wouldn’t experience being asked out to prom–something that I really really wanted. My sister, Lisa, was asked out to prom in a very grand way, and ever since that happened, my school practically turned it into a tradition to make prom-asking a big deal. And as a girl who never received grand gestures from anyone, I was really anxious for Junior year to arrive because I was almost sure I would go to prom without a date.

All of that changed when I met Jared. Jared and I became classmates in our sophomore year of high school. He and I turned into great friends, and after going through investigatory projects, LSYC (Lasallian Youth Corps.), and rock band days together, our relationship eventually led to something more.

So when Junior year came, my anxieties more or less disappeared because, at that time, I had hope to hold on to. The thought of having the possibility to be actually asked out to prom was just an incredible feeling. For once, someone might actually want me to be his date, to be the person he wants to dance with, to be the person he wants to spend the whole night with. I buzzed with excitement at the thought. I might actually get a date this year!

So, the moment I found a sonnet lying on my bed, I froze. I read and reread the lines, not because I couldn’t understand it, but because I couldn’t digest it. In my mind, I was like “Oh my god. It’s happening.” I don’t know how long I stood there trying to comprehend the words, but I did a mental shake, pulled myself together, and forced myself to read the whole poem. It was really hard to concentrate, I was just dumbfounded the entire time.

At the end of the poem, it said “P.S. – Look outside your balcony.” I was just about to make my move when two of my friends, Mia and Shanelle, barged in and started distracting me. Somehow during the process, I ended up locked in my own bathroom where I had no choice but to wait. It was pretty hilarious. I remember stressing out how bored I was by playing ping pong against my wall. (It’s perfectly normal to have that in your bathroom)

After a rather long wait, I heard three loud knocks on my door and sounds of feet shuffling. Immediately, I opened the door and found the room empty. The windows were wide open, and I thought to myself “This is it”. But before taking a look outside, I opened the door out to my room to see if Mia and Shanelle were still there.

They were no where to be seen, but I couldn’t be sure because at that moment, Jared walked in my room with a guitar in his hands. He started playing the song Lucky by Colbie Calliat and Jason Mraz, and it goes something like this…

I’m lucky I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I’m lucky we’re in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

My eyes were probably as big as saucers because I didn’t expect him to go through that door. I backed up, looked outside the window, and found christmas lights shining in the dark.

It spelled out, ‘Prom’.

Ahhh. I just couldn’t believe what was happening to me at that moment. I felt so lucky, so special, and so loved. I was absofreakinglutely stunned and, not to mention, red in the cheeks. If a person could melt, I would have melted right there.

So, when Jared asked, “Will you go to prom with me?” I said, yes.

I got beyond what I wanted, and I can never be grateful enough to my friends who helped out, and to Jared for everything else. I never imagined I would be asked to prom that way, it totally exceeded my expectations.

Cheers to you, Jared, for making every moment grander than the last.

Here’s a picture of me and Jared in prom.

It was a night I will never forget.

– P

The Happiness Project Begins

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Today’s the day.

After days of preparation, I finally got the courage to start ‘The Happiness Project‘. Inspired by Gretchen Rubin, I’m going to start fulfilling monthly resolutions.

Personal Commandments I came up with so far:

  1. Be Patsy.
  2. Don’t compare. (Comparison is the thief of joy. – Theodore Roosevelt)
  3. Say NO.
  4. Keep moving forward.
  5. Act the way you want to feel.

For the remaining days of July and the whole of August, I’m going to try to fulfill the following:

  • Blog Everyday
  • Be Friendly
  • Talk to People
  • Tea & Crackers > Coke & Chips (Another way of saying ‘Eat Healthy’)
  • Skip at least 1 Carbo Meal (We eat rice everyday–morning, lunch, and dinner)
  • 10 Push-ups & Sit-ups
  • Read the Bible
  • Write on Prayer Journal
  • Play with my dog, Champ
  • Sleep Early

Let’s go.

– P

Baby, I Was Born This Way

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I have recently joined the bandwagon of Gretchen Rubin’s movement, The Happiness Project. After finishing her novel yesterday, I was convinced that I should start my own happiness project. Now how exactly do I go about doing that?

This is step one.

Gretchen’s First Splendid Truth states that

“To be happier, you have to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.”

I started jotting down the things that I liked to do, the things that irritated me, and the things that felt right. In order to be happy, we have to know and be honest with ourselves.

“You can choose what you do, but you can’t choose what you like to do.”

While I was reading, I came across this quote and saw how Gretchen’s feelings (not depression) were similar to mine. How she tackled these feelings filled me with strength, confidence, and (of course) happiness.

So, what exactly does this quote mean?

I was a little befuddled when I first came across it, but I came to understand that it basically means that we are who we are. By that I mean, we have the freedom to choose to do whatever we wish, however, we can’t choose what we like because baby, we were born this way (I’m looking at you Lady Gaga).

I find that quote speak so much truth about myself. For the past few years, I’ve always tried to shape myself to become someone who I wished to be, and not the person I am. I’ve always wanted to be someone who watches soccer games, I’ve always told myself that I’d become the best tennis player in the world, and I tried to convince myself that I like Hale & Hearty’s cold sandwiches or Starbucks’ coffee, but the thing is I just don’t. I could be that person who wants them, but the thing is, what’s the point of lying to myself? I just don’t like ‘em.

The world has so much to offer and it’s sad that I won’t be able to appreciate all of the hodgepodge that’s been going around because, in ways, I have my own set of limitations. I would wish I were more inclined to this certain profession or this popular hobby, but in the end, I’m Patsy.

We may wish to be like other people, but sometimes we don’t have the intellectual, physical, financial, or emotional capabilities that it would take to be those people. We have to work with what we like, dislike, and have because I’m sure we have our own significant share of interests and talents.

Let’s put it this way, wishing to be someone else is similar to trying on ludicrous hairstyles we like. We may try on hairdos we’ve longed for, but in the end, we just have to accept that it can’t be done with our actual hair, which means I will never walk down the runway for Victoria’s Secret and have those enormous pretty wings as much as I’d like to.

I used to envy those girls who would always go out looking grand. How girls, like themselves, would meet up for clubs and party all night, sip coffee as they talked about high fashion, and flip through Vogue magazines with champagnes at hand. I wanted to be that girl, but the thing is, it’s not me.

I love to paint, write, and read. I love going to flea markets, bookstores, museums, and Broadway shows. My fashion icon’s not Lady Gaga but Princess Kate Middleton. As much as I wish to be someone else, I can’t escape what I have and who I am, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

One thing I learned from The Happiness Project is to “Be Patsy”. Everyone says this all the time–be yourself, you’re perfect just the way you are, you’re beautiful, etc… But I never really listened.

It was nice to have someone whom I could relate to, and as cliché as it sounds, Gretchen made me feel as if I were not alone in the world. We all try to find a place to fit in, and sometimes when we try to blend in, we alter our beliefs, our lifestyles, and ourselves.

But like what Gretchen said,

“The days are long, but the years are short.”

Why be someone else when you know you could be happy by being who you are? I felt truer to myself once I admitted this. Why watch a soccer game when I could just paint a horse?

– P